wait . . . what?

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers.

There is a special on aisle 5. Buy one Heinz Ketchup and get the loofah beside it for regular price. And be sure to check out the beer section. Grab a case of Miller Lite and while you're at it, consider purchasing the open package of Fig Newtons sitting on top. Already done shopping for dairy but forget the cottage cheese? Look between the Burger Buns and Hoagie Rolls. Of course don't forget that last second impulse buy--Cosmo, Altoids, Bic lighter, beef jerky, Duracells, head of lettuce,wait . . . what?

Oh and by the way, while we do have clearly marked and entirely obvious corrals for your carts, please also feel free to take advantage of our other options: against the curb, in vacant parking spaces, in occupied parking spaces with a little wiggle room, or even on the grass adjacent to and flush against the clearly marked, sufficiently empty, and touchably-close corrals provided for the return of carts.

Ether? Are you there? Can you hear me? Please tell me I'm dreaming. Tell me it's just the mint jerky salad not sitting well. Oh, dag-snubbit, I knew the Pepto by the Lysol was a sign!